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joke of the week DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED

Discussion in 'Non Fishing Chat' started by Ringer, Aug 2, 2007.

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  1. Ringer

    Ringer Rockling

    hi guys.just got home from my first muslim birthday party.
    the musical chairs was a bit slow,
    but fu*k me pass the parcel was fast.
     
  2. mikefish

    mikefish Blenny

    Re: joke of the week

    :D :D
     
  3. Baramundi Bob

    Baramundi Bob Super Leeds United !!!

    Re: joke of the week

    :D :D :D
     
  4. dbrown

    dbrown Guest

    Re: joke of the week

    :D :D :D
     
  5. Acko

    Acko Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    LOL
     
  6. quint

    quint Watch out Emperor Zorg's about

    Re: joke of the week

    LOL

    What's 50 foot long and wrapped around a c**t?
    A turban
    (Monty Panasar excluded)
     
  7. smokey

    smokey Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    rt56 rt56 rt56
     
  8. go go gadget

    go go gadget New Member

    Re: joke of the week

    lol mint
     
  9. Ringer

    Ringer Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    i parked in a disabled parking space today and a traffic warden shouted

    "oi,whats your disability?."

    i said "tourettes so fu*k off you cu*t"
     
  10. Ringer

    Ringer Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    a little boy asks his mam

    "why am i black and your white?"

    "don't even go there son",she says

    "when i think back to that party your lucky you don't bark".
     
  11. Ringer

    Ringer Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    just got back from the gym.there's a new machine there.
    i only used it for half an hour but started to feel sick!
    its good though it's got Mar's bar's,KitKat's,mini cheddars
    bounty's,everything...
     
  12. Ringer

    Ringer Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    two newly wed's turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.
    the receptionist asks "do you have reservations?"
    the bride replie's "I'm not sure about taking it up the ar*e".
     
  13. chesterrob

    chesterrob i may be blind but i can fish !

    Re: joke of the week

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

    He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

    Moral of the story:
    BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
     
  14. Jellyworm

    Jellyworm Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    Bill and Tom are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital.
    Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse says, 'Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'. Tom couldn't believe it, but here's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
    Couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw thing. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill off to hospital.
    Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.
    The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising. And sure enough, here's Bill out there doing some serious work on the treadmill.
    And Bill comes back to work.
    But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital.
    Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.'
    Tom is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.'
    'No,' says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.'
    ta daaa.
     
  15. longcast22

    longcast22 New Member

    Re: joke of the week

    A jewish boy asked his father for a £100 loan his father said £75 my son what do you want £5o for.
    longcast22 ::) ;D ;D ;D
     
  16. quint

    quint Watch out Emperor Zorg's about

    Re: joke of the week

    An old bull and a young bullock in field - next field a load of young cows are brought by farmer - young bullock says "wow lets run down there and f**k one of them cows" - to which the old bull says "nay lad, lets walk down and f**k em all"
     
  17. Tcliffe

    Tcliffe New Member

    Re: joke of the week

    lol i aint got 1 this week
     
  18. Tcliffe

    Tcliffe New Member

    Re: joke of the week

    black boy goes to heaven and says to god is it cos im an angle i have wings?
    god replies no its because ure a bat you black b*****d ;D ;D
     
  19. Ramsrod

    Ramsrod Rockling

    Re: joke of the week

    3 young country lads were each looking for love but females were in short supply, and the only ones available were the 3 daughters of a very strict farmer. However after finding out about his love of poetry they decided to try to win him over with verse. So the first lad nervously knocked on the farmhouse door and when the strict farmer answered the lad said..
    Hello,
    My names Joe,
    I,ve come to take your daughter to a show,
    can she go?
    The farmer was well impressed and called for one of his daughters and off they went.
    The 2nd lad, encouraged by the sucess of his mate also made his move. Again the farmer answered the door and asked if he could help, to which he replied..
    Yes thank,s
    My names Lance,
    I,d like to take your daughter to a dance,
    Is there any chance.
    He, also, won him over and claimed his 2nd daughter.
    The 3rd lad decided to strike while the iron was hot and went straight in for the kill and knocked confidently on the door, again the farmer answers...
    Hello my names Tucker, well you can p1$$ off says the farmer.
     
  20. longcast22

    longcast22 New Member

    Re: joke of the week

    two farms out in the sticks one had a pedigree bull which serviced the others hefers at a price, one day at the pedigree farm the son who was a not all there answered the door and it was the farmer from the other farm who was not happy and said to the son its about our mary and your tom ,the boy being a bit thick said you will have to talk to my dad cos i dont know what he charges for our tom. ::) ::)
    loncast22
     

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